Goes both ways.

So today me and my four friends were all at the park and they were making me laugh, and I really really had to pee, so I found so public toilets and there was only two stalls, one being really rank. So I knocked on the other stall, cause I didn't hear anything and asked if there was someone there. It ended up with a woman crying and after actually getting her to come out of the stall, she was still crying and honestly... I made sure she got out of the toilet, stopped crying and went to meet her friend. She was smiling when she left. She asked my name and thanked me for making sure she's okay.
When I last saw her, she still looked like she'd been crying, but she was smiling a bit meet off to meet her friend.
... I couldn't just leave her crying and I felt better at the end as well.

posted from Bloggeroid

Would it hurt?

For once, you know, I'd actually like to be asked to go with you guys.

"But you'll just say no."

And what if I actually want to go? What if I'd of said yes? How the hell would you know? You never ask me!

"But it's not your kind of scene."

How the hell would you know?! Just because I don't drink or "party" like you guys won't mean I won't enjoy it. I show it differently.

"You dont drink. You wont like the music."

No, I dont drink. But I enjoy peoples company and if they're drinking, the funnier and stupider they get. And how the hell would you know my music? Half my music tastes arn't on my iPod, you see. How would you know I wouldn't like it?

"But you don't have the money."

I do actually. I have enough money saved to be able to hang out, I don't spend it on random stuff. I just don't like asking for it.

Would it hurt to be asked to hang out once in a damn while?

Is it because you don't like me?

Is it because I'm not them?

Is it because I have responsibilities?

Would it hurt to actually be wanted?

-BlackSaphirax

Gone

I almost lost him.
I couldn't breathe.
My legs collapsed.
All I could think was "Ive lost him. What's left to live for? You've lost the only person who cares enough to love you unconditionally. I've lost him"
Taunting words. No breathe. Cold ground.
Gone. He was gone...
But he came back... Why did he come back? What am I worth?
Was it blackmail? Did he feel guilty? Why did he come back to me? I'm not worth it...
But he came back. I have him back.

What happens when you get me painting

Second best

My boyfriend got into Basingstoke college to do his game development course... Meaning I won't see him in the weeks as its a really demanding course... Why is it everytime he mentions it  get really sad? I mean, its not like I'll never see him... I just won't see him as much as I used to, is all.
But the thing is we've almost broken up twice cause of his obsessive need to be on the computer or technology... And this course, well, he'll never want to have fun with me...

I'm second best to his mac.

-blacksaphirax

Sin tutulo #1

Oliver.
Max, Adam.
Oliver, Brian.
Ty, Katie, Dan.

These people ruined my life over 4 years. Sexually abusing me. Groping me. These memories I can never forget, and have ruined my past for me. Ruined my present and recent future. All because they were selfish.

Now I have my boyfriend to give me reason to get help and deal with this.

He's the reason I'm still here.

- BlackSaphirax

Questions with no answers #6

Why should I be nervous? I'm here for help, not to be patronize. They're going to be nice, they should be nice... That's what happens right?

Right...?
-BlackSaphirax

Questions with no answers #5

Why is it that you can be surrounded by so many people and feel completely alone?
I'm sat listening to people whining about their weekends and their classes. It's grating on my nerves and add that to no music, and a shite night sleep as I had a panic attack before I passed out crying... I want Scarlette back. Why can't she come back?

- BlackSaphirax

Confessions of an overthinker #4

Why is that two people who love each other, can feel like two complete strangers?
We sit in this heavy silence which just makes me feel more alone than when I was without him... I love him, but why does it feel like we're just existing in the same room rather than actually spending time with each other? I put effort into it in the beginning and then just... give up because he's not bothering. It's like I'm just this permanent fixture in his life that he can pay attention to when he wants too. He's gunna argue if he ever saw this that that's not true, but right now that's how it feels. I showered, got dressed, came round his. And he hasn't been bothered to even try to get down to me.I asked him to bring my laptop down, which he's for over the day he "needed" it. He has had it for 2 weeks. That's 13 more days than agreed and he asked me to come up to him instead. Well, I try that, dear, but I always end up leaving for "just one more day".
Money. I lend him money to buy something, and I never see it again. I pay for our dates and I'm broke as. I understand that. I just sometimes wish I didn't always have to be the one funding a date that... I organised and asked for...
8 months. 8 months from buying me things to me wondering why he isn't paying me back...
Why is it that I feel like I'm being used...? Am I being used...?

Why would he say he loves me, and then never try to show it?

- BlackSaphirax

Confessions of an overthinker #3

This just seems to fit this blog, dontcha think?
-BlackSaphirax