I need one too...

Sometimes... We just need a hug.

Sometimes, we need our big brother to be in the same damn country as us, to give us a big hug and to cheer us up.
Sometimes, we need to be able to see our best friend after a certain time, to give us a tight hug, and to mention some funny joke from a while ago.
Sometimes, we need our goofy, tall boyfriend to just make us feel small and safe in their arms, when they hug you properly.
Sometimes, we need our parents to figure out we're sad and just give us a cuddle and make us feel loved.
Sometimes... We just need a hug.

- BlackSaphirax -

Music is my Life

My boyfriend, who was my best friend and still is my best friend as well, bought me an iPod for my birthday, because I'm never without music. Ever. I always have a headphone in my ear at any given time. And before I used my phone, which was difficult to use. He went out and bought me a iPod, engraved with " I Love You - Tommy x " on the back, so I never forget, so that I had a reliable source of music, so that I never have to listen to silence.


Because silence is bad with me. It brings back thoughts that I'd rather not remember of a past that is better forgotten.


So I've sort of turned into this picture. I have blue hair, and I do usually have my music in, and I try and forget the world.
I just saw this picture and thought... Yeah, that's me.


And considering that I haven't posted for a loooooooong while I thought I'd do a quick one. I'll do another one soon.

-  BlackSaphirax -

Rape isn't just a word..

Rape is not a joke or something to say casually. Alot of the people I hang around with will say "Oh my god! Stop, like, raping me!" when all their doing is being hugged and then they start giggling as if it's a joke. And I can not stand it...

People get raped and molested on a daily basis. These people are hurt. Physically and mentally. And whenever I say to my friends "Stop saying it as a joke," they always say back, "Oh lighten up. It's just a joke. You're always so serious."

I've been bullied and molested in every school I've been too, from when I was 10 till now.. and I'm 14. 5 schools, 2 different countries. Same problems. Every time.

People may say being almost molested or almost raped is "not as bad". But you try having those hands running up you legs, under you skirt and slipping under you shirt when you're too afraid to do something. It's may not be "as bad", but it is bad enough to be scarred for life with. To have nightmares about. To be afraid of.

I was lucky. I fought. I stopped most of them before they got too far. Some people arn't so lucky. They get these terrible deeds done to them by heartless, selfish people.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... you don't have to be raped to be wary of the word. You could have been molested or almost molested. Someone could have been threatened by it. Because some people may just see it as just a word to be thrown around and jokes about. To some people it means unforgettable nightmares, monsters in the dark... and a past you're trying to run away from.

- BlackSaphirax -

The Meadow

Recently I've found this really nice group of fields and I call it the Meadow. You know when you get that feeling of being safe in a place, even when it's out in the open? I get that there. I mean, I see the other people walking their dogs and riding their bikes, but I feel completely content there. I found this tree that's in this little alcove and it's an amazing place to sit and draw or listen to music or both. You still get the peace and only a few people walk past and even they don't pay much attention to you. It's comfortable.


I guess what I'm trying to get at, is that I found a place that's a place I can go when I want to be alone.


And sometimes we need a place to just be alone. And not just our room or cupboard or where ever, because sometimes we just need to get out the house. Sometimes we need to go a place where the only thing you can hear is not the shouting or have the memories that you're running from are. A place where you can go and think while in complete comfort.


Sometimes, it takes a while to find that place. But sometimes it come at just the right time. Wait for it.. and you'll find you special place.

- BlackSaphirax -

Greetings

What would you rather be called: 

Beautiful or Bitch?

Gorgeous or Shlaaag?

Darling or Whore?

Girls, say things without thinking to each other nowadays as a greeting or as an "affectionate" way of saying something to them or along those lines. But how many of us actually like being called these words when, in all truth and honesty, they're offensive. I hate being called those kind of names. I get enough of that from the girls who hate me, why do I need it from people who like me?

I've gone round to my mates, and have said to each and every one of them and asked each and every one of them not to call me any of those words. And what hurt me the most is that they all asked why.

Why? Because when someone says those words to me, I think they mean it. To me their too light a word a word just to say that casually. And I had to say that. And they still looked at me like I was weird. Until I told my best friend why (which, no offence but is waaaaaaaaay to personal for you to know ;) ) and he helped me stop them calling me that. And it stopped them saying to their other friends as well.

I'm proud to say, I've stopped just a small amount of people to not say those words as "affectionate" greetings. I'm proud of that. Because those words are too common among friends now.

Just think before you say those words even as a "joke" because sometimes words do have an effect even if you dont mean it.. :)

- BlackSaphirax -

Bullying

Pain is not a new concept to me. But when someone purposely goes out of their way to hurt me or throw me off... well, in my mind, that's just out of order. I can understand if someone hurts someone by accident or that it can't be helped. What I can not understand is if someone would make it their mission to hurt someone, who in all truth, hasn't done a wrong thing by them. Heck, sometimes they've done everything right by them and they just don't like that.


I guess what I'm trying to say is... Bullying isn't that rare a thing nowadays. But it can still be as hurtful as it was when it was smiled upon.


At the end of the day... Sometimes people can be harsh and cruel, but if you don't do it yourself and you have people there, and love you, even if they don't know about that situation, at least you don't make someone else out there as bad as you feel right now. So I congratulate you. And know, that even if you don't wanna tell anyone in your life that you're being hurt, you can always drop me a message <3

- BlackSaphirax -

Memories

Those memories that you usually try avoid because they hurt are probably the ones that need to be remembered the most...

If you've moved away or lost someone, either because of a break up or because they've passed on, the memories that you have may hurt to think of, but can help you through it too. Remembering the good times of the past can help you through the bad times of the present. Remembering a hug in the park, or a talk up a tree, a secret kiss hidden from your friends can help you get over the break up. Remembering the jokes that made you laugh until you cry, the doodling on each other arms in class, the outings that were just that were planned just that second but ended up the most memorable days you have with those best friends from a your old home. These can help you through those times were you feel like your all alone in this new place, the new place you're going to make your home. Makes you remember that you still have amazing mates even if they're not there with you anymore. A doodle that they used to draw on your arm can remind you just how much you miss them. And missing them is loving them.

So remember those good times, to get past the bad ones. Remember when you're alone or just upset. Because the past is what can help you through the present.

- BlackSaphriax -

Time Out

Everybody needs a time out once in a while, but taking too many can lead to some big problems. Like not having the time to do the things needed. Schoolwork, for example. If you're ill, take the incentive to go and get the work so you're not so behind that you sit there in your classes 5 pages behind your classmates. Try and stay in time with the projects and, if possible avoid missing big things that would go towards your grade.

I've been ill alot lately. My teachers now know to hand me the work needed for to do at home. They knew I'm taking the work home and actually doing it to keep up. Because even though my headaches, and the pain and the fainting is getting in the way, I've learnt that, although I'm ill, when I don't feel like utter tripe, I can get a few pages in here and a couple of maths equations, and by the end of the day I can get alot done.

Basically, what I'm saying is.. Don't not do so much now that you end up without your alloted time to have fun!

- BlackSaphirax -

Hurtful Words

Those words that you can't say that can never can come out when you're surrounded by people who you know will hold what you say against you, are the ones that are sometimes the most important things that need to be said. Sometimes those words keep people humble. Sometimes they keep people sane. Sometimes those words can cause hurt, but maybe that hurt is necessary. It might be the words "You boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on you" or "I'm moving". These words, though you know will cause alot of the pain to the person you're telling it to, need to be said. Otherwise... Knowing about it and not saying it will hurt you as well and they're going to find out in the end.


I've had to say these words. I moved. And i had the words "Your boyfriend cheated on you" said to me. They hurt to say and hurt to hear, but I needed to say and hear both of them.

- BlackSaphirax -